Blogging with Carole Weaks, the Stone Whisperer

Just rock'n along, sing'n a song!

How I got to be the “Stone Whisperer.”

I would like to introduce myself, and tell you just a little about how I got here from there. My name is Carole Weaks. In order to become the Stone Whisperer, I had a whole lot of livin’ to do, and a lot of it was very challenging. But I am here to tell you that I wouldn’t trade one little thing, no matter how painful it seemed at the time. That is because everything that I have experienced has been one step closer to being the person I am today. I couldn’t be me without each experience. It took me almost 29 years of spiritual studies to discover this truth about life….but I didn’t leave before the miracle happened. I will be posting a series of little stories about my journey, and they are not very long. I will go more in-depth as we move along on this blog. When I finish with the overall brief description of my travels, I can then talk about all the gifts that have come to as a result of my never giving up. And my not leaving before the miracle happened. I hope you enjoy my story, and that maybe you will even find that parts of it are beneficial to you. This should have been my first post, but it wasn’t so I will get over it.

The first spiritual gift of sobriety was realizing that I was an artist.

The first spiritual gift of sobriety was realizing that I was an artist. By the time I got sober, I was very sick….emotionally, physically and spiritually. I had pain all over my body, and I weighed only 103 lbs. Plus, I couldn’t stop crying, even though I had no clue what the crying was about. I was in the middle of my divorce which took quite a while, and was very painful. It seemed to drag on forever, creating a lot of havoc and fear in my head.  I decided to take a drawing class to further my interior design career and to help quiet my fearful mind. What I discovered was, that for the 4 hours I was in the drawing class I didn’t feel any pain in my body! I was amazed and very grateful to discover this. From this discovery grew my desire to create art as much as I could. Soon I tried oil painting, which later turned out to be my medium of choice. My work progressed, I was accepted into galleries and I was on my way to a new career.  I actually painted my way to better health, while I did interior design, and video production to bay the bills. I was also following my new spiritual path, learning a new way of living with a Higher Power in charge.
Along with painting I was studying with other sensitives or empaths in Laguna Beach who helped me learn how to live in this sensitive body that I was blessed with, without any meds or alcohol. That gradual process and seemed to take forever. But I was persistent and just kept on moving forward, learning Reiki, Meditation, Feng Shui and more.
I liked being in the galleries, but I found that I was killing my “Inner Artist” by becoming a production artist, doing what other people wanted rather than what my soul wanted to create! I could feel it happening every time I painted a commissioned piece in the colors someone demanded.
As the divorce process finished up, it turned out, I didn’t get the amount I was told by my attorneys that I would get.  In fact I got very little compared to the total assets we had accumulated, and it certainly was no where near enough to live on. Even though this fact evoked the most horrible fears I have ever known, it  was really a huge gift for me, disguised as a tragedy. I now had to learn to depend on something other than money to provide for me.  It meant that I really had to surrender my entire being, my will and my life, and especially my finances to a Power Greater than myself. I was so filled with fear because I had no idea what that would look like. But I kept on writing notes and putting them in my God box and doing what I was told to do if I wanted to be happy, joyous and free…..something that I thought for sure would never come to me. Through the years I had depended on money for everything. It was as if money had become my Higher Power…it could do anything for me that I wanted. But along with that dependency comes the fear of losing it. And I was living my greatest fear…that of becoming a bag lady! I wonder if one can have a lot of money and not become dependent on it….and a dependency always comes with the fear that it might disappear.
Through it all, I still remembered how much passion I had for my antiques business, and how the learning, creativity and excitement of bringing new life to old forgotten things was to me.  It was similar to the feelings I had about my art. I had a whole new world starting to open up for me. I looked at my paintings in awe of their beauty, wondering all the time, where this gift was before I became aware of it….how could it have lain dormant within me for 45 years without my knowledge of, or access to it. It was a mystery to me. I decided  then to study everything I could about life and its many mysteries…things that most people never think of or even care about.
I found that my body started healing, but not my mind…the horrible depression lived on. Even though my artwork was quickly accepted into several galleries, and the more I painted the better my body felt. Thank goodness for my friends who looked after me and checked in with me. They helped me get through that very dark time in my life.
During this period, my children left California to start their own lives one by one. I once more felt very lonely for my family.  My children have always been the light that kept my soul alive. Each lived in different cities and different parts of the states. My girls were in the south, and my son was in the Pacific Northwest in the Seattle area. I started thinking about moving to be around at least one of them. I so enjoyed being out of the South, I knew that I could never go back there to live again. The heat and the humidity was too much for me, plus I had become very open-minded and had experienced just a taste of who I really am, and how really big the world is. I didn’t want to do anything that would hinder the program of self discovery that I had been on since I left that part of the world.
I decided to visit my son, in Seattle where, even though I had been quite the world traveler in my younger days, I had never visited that area. I immediately fell in love with the Pacific Northwest. It was everything I ever wanted in a place to live. It has the beauty of Wilderness and Nature with it’s virgin forests, mountains, ocean, and other large bodies of water, along with the cosmopolitan feel that only a big city offers. I decided one more time, after more than 11 years in Orange County, to pick up my roots and my stuff, and move. I have never looked back. I still love it here, even with our sometimes brutal rainy season of winter. It just suits me! I must say though, that my friends in Orange County thought that I would certainly die from my depression if I moved up here….that they rain would surely do me in. I am happy to say….that didn’t happen! That old song, “The Restless Wind,” no longer felt like my life’s theme song.
Do you remember that quote from Bernie Siegel that was in the last post?…..”Until you are willing to revel in your weirdness, you will never be happy. Well, I was on my way. I realized through the help of my other sensitive friends that I was NOT crazy and there are many other people like me. And just because people are different doesn’t make them crazy. I would rather be a sensitive and know how to communicate with hummingbirds and plants, and FEEL a sunset instead of just seeing it. Plus I no longer had to call that gift of sensitivity  crazy. I was blessed with a gift that I could learn how to use to help myself and others.

The Woman Who Thought She Had Everything

“Until you’re willing to revel in your weirdness, you’ll never really be happy.”
– Bernie Siegel

When I was 12 years old and going to Catholic school, I thought no one liked me because I was poor. I thought that  if I had a lot of money, everyone would like me, and I would be one of the beautiful people. And then I would be happy.

At 13, my family moved from Ohio to Mississippi and I hoped that my life would change. I even got my own bedroom for the first time. All four of my brothers were popular in school but nothing changed for me, because I was still me. My motto was “nobody likes me, everybody hates me, think I’ll go eat worms.”

High school continued on just as grade school and middle school had. No boys every asked me out and I never got invited to school dances or the prom. I did have a few quiet girlfriends who depended on me because I was a natural caretaker. I had high anxiety and although I didn’t know it at the time, I could feel everyone else’s feelings and mistook them for my own. I was, and am still, an empath.

In our community there was a gathering place for students called the Youth Center. They had a jukebox there, they had ping pong, pool tables, snacks and sodas.  I never felt like I fit in.

I would go there with my friends and sit and drink Cokes and watch the beautiful people dance. Inside a part of me longed to dance, but I was too self-conscious and anxious.

When I was a junior, I met a guy who used to sit out in front of the Youth Center and drink beer in his car. He invited me to join him and offered me a beer. This made me feel important, and that finally I might be ok because somebody liked me enough to talk to me.

I drank my first beer. I went back inside and found out that I could dance as good as anyone else. A new side of me appeared and I liked her. That was the beginning of me being able to come out of my shell. Alcohol became the medicine that hid my anxiety and self-consciousness and helped me be the person I thought I wanted to be.

Fast forward to LSU. I met my future husband in front of the French Lab when I was 18. He was driving by and my friends and I jumped in his car and said, “C’mon – you’re the only one with a car. Take us down to get a beer.” Suffice to say we hit it off, and a year later we were married with a baby on the way.

My husband graduated from college but I never did because (according to the family expectations) it was my job to stay home and be a good wife and mother. My husband went on to be a very successful businessman.

We had the big house, belonged to the country club, had nice clothes and horses, and traveled around the world. I had everything I thought I always needed to be happy, and yet inside I was still miserable and depressed. Something was missing and I didn’t know what it was.

While my husband worked, I was constantly searching to find real meaning in my life. I started an antique imports business, which took me to Europe, traveling by myself several times a year for weeks at a time.

When I was away from home, I finally felt like I could be me. I didn’t have to please anyone when I was traveling by myself. Connecting with the world and my creative self gave meaning to my life and I tasted happiness for the first time. And I was accepted by others just as I was. Until I went home.

I always felt sick on the plane ride home. My antique business became very successful in our small town in a short period of time, and I realized I was capable and and smart and could make it in the world on my own.

My three children had been sent to boarding school and we were left with a 5,000 sq ft empty nest, which felt very empty. Both workaholics, my husband and I passed each other in the hallway going in and out of town. I then realized there was nothing left in my marriage.

I looked around my house at all the fancy trappings – everything I thought I had always wanted and needed to make me happy – and felt even more empty inside. I left my husband and my business and moved to California.

I wanted to start a new life but recognized that alcohol was in my way. I sought treatment. While reading Scott Peck’s The Road Less Traveled, I learned that mental illness is relative to the distance between you and your creator.

I heard the sober women in my twelve step program say that once they got sober, the steps and accompanying spiritual path had offered them a way to become truly happy. I wanted that, so I leapt into the program and began my re-creation process.